I'm a 41 year-old police detective.

Over the past 10 years, I've let myself get overweight. Tired. Lazy. Unattractive. Boring.

It was easy--I had an excuse. I went back to school in 2002 and worked my way through a Master's degree from the University of Florida, Summa Cum Laude. Mostly, I carried a full-time course load in addition to my full-time job. And homicide callouts. And court overtime. And instructing at the police academy. You get it. I'm a Type A personality.

While I was busy perusing book after book and researching paper after paper, my ass got bigger and bigger. My pants size grew larger and larger. Meh...I'll fix that later. Well, guess what?

Later.....is NOW.

And, it's a hell of a lot easier putting the weight on than taking it off. Anyone who had gained and lost more than 20 pounds will tell you the same.

This is my journey to lose 35 pounds and compete in the closest thing to the Olympic Games offered in amateur sports. The 2011 World Police and Fire Games in New York City.

I have 5 months to lose the weight and train my body to compete against elite athletes from around the globe. I've seen the records and they're no joke. I'll have to swim faster than I did when I was 14 or 15 and broke county records in Maryland back in the 80's.

No luck necessary. I'm getting my fat ass into the pool.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Sesame Street recession woes


That's right.  Big Bird, et. al. are suffering cutbacks from this abysmal economy.  The Children's Television Workshop has cut 67 positions from the show due to the recession.  Okay...Lehman Bros., Circuit City and Linens 'n Things have filed Chapter 11, which I can live with.  Start screwing with Sesame Street and I feel a sequel of "Children of the Corn" in the making.  Kindergartners everywhere will take up arms and march across the plains in search of investment bankers' blood. 

What next?  Will Snuffelupagus go on unemployment?  Will Oscar the Grouch have to refinance his garbage can--and is it backed by the F-Macs?  Will Ernie and Bert's rent skyrocket, effectively kicking them out of their sublet?  Perhaps Grover could sing a ditty about financial scheming, greed and forced foreclosure.  Nah.  Not many words rhyme with 'foreclosure'.  (Disclosure, composure, indecent exposure?)

This message brought to you by the letter "B".  As in Bullshit.  

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